He recommended following a two-step process
When consumer advocate Martin Lewis asked his fans to confess the financial secrets they keep from their partners, most replies were light-hearted admissions. But one listener shared a much darker story, bringing up an issue that is all too common.
Mr Lewis appealed to listeners of his BBC podcast to shared when they had chosen not to tell their partner about a purchase, or had downplayed the cost involved. Most people were hiding cheeky luxury purchases, such as designer shoes, covert scuba diving gear or even a horse. But one listener hid a particularly large bill from their loved one.
‘The relief was enormous’
They told the show: “I hid just how bad my credit card debt had become. I was always cagey about money, and eventually, when I was asked outright, I told [my partner] everything—over £65,000 of debt.”
While the partner was “understandably angry,” they ultimately stood by the listener and helped them as they set up a Debt Management Plan. “The relief was enormous”, the person said.
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Mr Lewis said that keeping your debts a secret is surprisingly widespread. “I have been asked many times over the years by someone who’s hidden their debt what to do about the debt”, he explained. For anyone carrying this heavy financial secret, the MoneySavingExpert founder laid out a clear strategy.
‘I would not’ warning
“If you have a substantial amount of debt that you’re not sleeping about at night and that you can’t cope with, that you haven’t told your partner or significant other about, here’s what I would do”, Mr Lewis advised. “I would not break them the news of the debt, because for obvious reasons, you’re worried about what will happen.
“I’m assuming you’re in a loving and trusting relationship here, but obviously this is a glitch to it.” Instead of immediately fessing up without a strategy, Mr Lewis recommends getting professional help first, by booking a free consultation with a debt counselling agency.
Support groups
He listed these organisations that offer confidential advice:
- StepChange Debt Charity
- National Debtline
- Citizens Advice
- Christians Against Poverty (CAP).
Mr Lewis said: “I would go and have your first appointment with them, where they give you the routes, they give you the light at the end of the tunnel, if you like.” Once you have your plan, you can approach your partner to explain both the reality of your situation and the way out.
Telling your partner
“I would then go back and tell your partner about your debts”, Mr Lewis suggested. “You’re going to need to work together and [them] help you with it. But I would have what you’re going to be doing about it within the conversation, so that you’re providing them with the route out, as well as just telling them about the problem, which allows them to see next steps and get on with it.”
Although he recommends this route, Mr Lewis acknowledged that everyone must ultimately “choose your own path”. But he assured listeners that taking these initial steps often marks the beginning of recovery, noting that he has heard from “many people” who have had success in this way.
